Blessed are the meek.................... I'm going to Hell!!!!!

thank you Veterans

2011-11-11T06:45:00.000-05:00

http://blessedarethemeekimgoingtohell.blogspot.com/2008/03/soldiers.html Because of your sacrifice, I still live in the best country in the world.

Rainy Days

2011-10-16T10:34:00.002-04:00

We have fairly heavy rain today...but I love the rain....especially on Sundays. No, I won't post the Keith Urban song since I already hit facebook up with that. I don't have an opening line or even a good idea. I'm just writing because I haven't for a while. I have a love/hate thing with words....but despite the volatility, its the longest romantic relationship of my life, and probably the most

Male Cravings

2011-06-09T21:24:00.000-04:00

I am wary of that which I crave. I keep a check on my own dependence, even while I favor dominant and bossy men. I am careful not to need a man too much, but I want to know I’m taken care of. I pay close attention to the motives of really intelligent men but I have little patience for fools. I guard myself around powerful men but need to feel protected. I think that I confuse men as much as

And the STUPID Award Goes To.............................................

2011-04-14T13:48:00.000-04:00

My mother sent me this in an email. I thought I knew stupid....but I haven't met this guy yet..... At least they were taking hygiene into consideration.... Bet you are wondering why I am posting this......Well................ the purpose of this GUY's surgery is Believe it or not............................Breast Implants!!!!! For his tattoo!!!!! I wouldn't date him.....

I H8 TXTNG

2011-04-10T16:29:00.000-04:00

I really hate this texting stuff going on now between men and women. Seriously. I have friends that actually feel *love* for persons that are 95% wishful thinking put into text messages. These same friends come to me crying. Yeah real tears for the fake emotions and psuedo touches they get via sms. Not even a smile or a voice to go along with them. 8-3-1 is short hand for *I love you* as

Friends With Benefits

2011-01-20T10:40:00.009-05:00

What is this thing all the middle aged single men have with the FWB status instead of real relationships? Do they not see that they are not the same hottie they were at 25? They sure seem to notice that women are not. Do they think that by protecting their single status that women are going to be lining up to give them the benefits they want to be paid for the pleasure of their *friendship*?

Trust Issues

2011-01-09T16:21:00.004-05:00

I'm working on building the life and relationships I need rather than want. its not easy delineating the two things. I've learned that the things I want sometimes are exactly the things I don't need and while the things I need are not nearly as exciting, they are more fulfilling. Its the difference between candy and real food. My first step in this process is learning how to trust others.

Reflection

2011-01-02T16:48:00.003-05:00

After I dropped the last guy who liked me just before New Years (he may have thought he was special to me if I'd gone out with him), I started, again, wondering why I can't seem to find the love I so want. It hurts sometimes. The truth is I did find it a long time ago but my fears ruined it then and several other attempts with the same man. Instead of getting over it-----I have been trying to

Intimacy

2010-12-26T20:36:00.007-05:00

I'm realizing that I am alone because I play games. I usually swear that isn't true, but it is. I consistently date men I know I will leave. I usually know this within 5 minutes. I think that is why I date them in the first place. I want intimacy, but I fear it. Love has often been a painful experience for me. I don't trust it. Infatuation is kinder and easier to walk away from. I need to

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love.

2010-12-08T11:15:00.005-05:00

It seems I do a lot of writing about romance, or the lack of it. I'm looking for it, hiding from it, mad about it, sad about it, curious. Always curious. Everything else in life seems to work out for me. Not perfectly, but usually. Right now I am jobless but hold no real fear of it, I have a lot of confidence in my employability. I don't actually feel unloved either. I have a huge family that

Armor

2010-11-29T00:07:00.009-05:00

Well I tried to throw caution to the wind, play no games and actually show that I cared and it didn't work well for me. I was still playing games and ended up in a rather chaotic and embarrassing situation. Nothing major, nothing broken, but a realization that maybe I will never have the love I so want. I may not want it enough. I'm not sure I trust the kind of romance I keep involving myself

More Autumn Reflections

2010-11-07T10:20:00.006-05:00

We had our first snow earlier this week. Its just a teaser but Autumn seems so short a season after that first snowfall. Today it is Autumn again though. With crisp air that has me with open windows and heat too. I can't resist the call of that air. Once again the sky is bright with hope and promise and I wonder at the majestic view of those golden treetops. My life goes through constant

Greetings Autumn

2010-09-26T10:00:00.008-04:00

I watched the morning arrive today. It was cloudy and gray at first and then the sun rose high in the sky like a promise of a better life to come. The sky was painted a brilliant blue with soft white clouds here and there. It is definitely a harbinger of Autumn…. In the distance I could see a few scattered leaves on the trees turning brighter colors and even a few dried golden leaves blowing

Just a redneck in disguise

2010-09-05T11:31:00.011-04:00

So I have been looking inside to try to figure out why I seem unable to find that certain someone. Sometimes I wonder if I already have and failed. Looking outside myself doesn't seem to be working....and I hate dating.... truly I do. I'm pretty sure my views on dating are a big part of the problem. Sometimes I think I'd like to skip the whole process. People think they have to dress up and

Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty. ~Sicilian Proverb

2010-08-14T11:21:00.004-04:00

Vampires. I have a love hate thing with them....the real ones and the fantasy ones. Even when I know they would only take the life from me... I stretch out my neck in invitation..... It all sounds so sexy doesn't it? Kinda....in the fantasy world. In my real world I find these people all the time. They don't have fangs or piercing eyes...they have needs and problems and they want me to

Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate! ~Sandra J. Dykes

2010-08-12T07:42:00.005-04:00

I'm still single. Its been a long while since I've said those magic *I love you* words to a man. Probably longer still since I've meant them or even knew what they meant. I've been reevaluating my life and wondering what I'm doing that keeps me in this state...some of my friends and family have been quick to point to all my "guidelines" and having my mind set on a certain course of events.

Being Single.

2010-03-14T12:11:00.004-04:00

I'm lonely. I admit it. It sucks being single. I've been single for almost 5 years now. Sure I've had a romance here and there...but not the stable living together and standing a chance at making it kind. I don't know if its really slim pickings or if I just want too much. All the nice guys I've met, and I've met a few...seem particularly lazy about relationships these days. I could give you

Cavemen Games

2010-01-24T10:47:00.006-05:00

Someone said to me today that women always bring out the potty mouth when they get horny. Yeah, I brought it on myself because I was talking about that movie *the ugly truth* on facebook. Good movie and most of its probably true. I've admittedly used some of those types of flirting tricks myself. (My family is from the South, where flirting is a sport, much like football is for men. We put on

Bah Humbug!

2009-12-19T12:58:00.000-05:00

I'm trying....really trying to find the Christmas spirit. Dammit all I am freaking spoiled. I do have a good job, great kids, a boyfriend and the family isn't hassling me. I always find the *buts* and the *exceptions*. I haven't bought even one present yet. I did finally put the tree up a few days ago. I've been battling a cold for a month now. I'm exhausted. I can't do this all by myself and I

Thankful for Unanswered Prayers

2009-11-22T18:47:00.004-05:00

What better time of year to discuss those things we are thankful for? I am so grateful for all the wonderful things in my life....but also grateful for things that I don't have in my life, maybe things I thought I wanted but in hindsight, realize they would not have been good for me. I'm grateful my family is nosy enough to check on me and makes me socialize even when I want to crawl into a

An unopened gift.

2009-11-11T07:59:00.008-05:00

There's a lot of love in the world. There's a lot of love in me. The thing is we waste love by not using it. Love isn't any good just sitting in our hearts. We have to put it out into the world. It needs a recipient to work its magic. If its not given, and when its not taken, it can turn into ugly festering things. I tried to give mine away recently. For him I think it turned into self

Hot and Cold

2009-10-18T09:32:00.007-04:00

Maybe I'm just stupid. I don't understand all this hot and cold shit that men do. I want a certain amount of stability and comfort in my relationships. I want to feel like I am where I am wanted. I want to count on truth. I hate stereotypical stuff. I keep finding it though. Men chase after me. Sometimes it even gets on my nerves with all their bold words and impossible promises. They

Maybe I don't know everything

2009-10-13T13:52:00.000-04:00

Today I was lucky enough to have time to talk with my real-life friends. I'm lucky enough to have several both at work and outside of work that truly care about my well being...yeah they rib me when they can and tell me what I don't want to know but they are good friends. I needed that today. It helps that most of them are sane. One of my friends is ill. Seriously so. I refuse to believe

It takes all kinds

2009-09-30T15:28:00.001-04:00

People judge you by the company you keep. Sometimes I wonder what people think of me and sometimes (like when they find out that I am friends with a couple criminal lawyers), I'm not left wondering long. Why do people feel they have a right to judge another's judgement? In addition to lawyers and people of all religions, professions, and colors of skin, and in addition to my normal people and

Sometimes it just doesn't work out when it should

2009-09-29T23:59:00.004-04:00

I did go out with Tall & handsome again. The second date was just as delightful as the first. Perfect. We are perfect companions. We agreed to a tenative 3rd date and I was supposed to contact him or he me... We both froze. I'm kind of glad he did because I didn't want to reject him. He is perfect. He should be my perfect match and I his. It was too perfect. I would have suggested

Conjugating Time

2009-09-19T21:02:00.005-04:00

I'm a forward thinker. I've always been the one who wondered what things meant in future tense. I don't think that's a bad thing so long as it isn't taken to extremes. It is bad though, when it prevents one from learning from the past or enjoying the present. Today matters and yesterday mattered too. I think it is good to remain as balanced as you can. To appreciate the moment rather than to

A Perfect First Date

2009-09-15T20:59:00.006-04:00

Ok...this one is written for the guys who have emailed me and said things like "I have no idea what you women want" or "Its a different world baby..." etc.... I had a perfect first date tonight. It lasted approximately 2 1/2 hours. Enough time to show me his basic humanity, a glimmer of his sense of humor and develop a curiosity in me to learn more about him. We met at a restaurant ON TIME. I

The Dating Game

2009-09-09T21:31:00.005-04:00

Well the dating games seem to be kind of stagnant. I've had a few more of my coffee/drink dates since I last wrote. The men are getting better, I'm not saying that just because I'm dying to get physical again either. Two dates were *set ups* and one was from the internet, I never met any of them before. All of them were gentlemen and perfect companions, but while I would hope to keep them for

Hope Springs Eternal

2009-08-21T22:43:00.005-04:00

I started dating again. Not *real* dating. But I've gone on two lunch dates and met a guy for coffee. 3 different men in the last few weeks. I actually caught myself looking at the last guy's watch as I sipped my cappuccinno. I seriously want to find real lasting love but I hate the whole looking for it bit. Each one of those guys is and will remain a first date only. The first one didn't

What's it all mean?

2009-08-01T23:43:00.000-04:00

I found this so fascinating that I am posting it on all my blogs. Seriously. Answer the question at the end if you want....I'm interested on your take on this. What's it all mean?

I am exceptional....but not the exception

2009-07-17T21:48:00.052-04:00

I am exceptional. At least I was. I should be still. I could be still. I am exceptional but not the exception. It happens a lot with a lot of people who break up after long term relationships and marriages, we forget who we could be without the anger and pain. We all compensate a little differently. . I started looking for why a relationship wouldn't work instead of looking at what was

Sometimes its what we don't do that matters....

2009-07-14T13:48:00.001-04:00

Someone mentioned to me yesterday that it might not be such a good idea to call a person an idiot....even if that person was. The truth is I can't remember the last time I said something behind someone's back that I haven't said directly to their face. Sometimes I can be so mean.... so sarcastic... self righteous.... overbearing.... egocentric..... and a whole host of not so stellar personality

Belief vs. Behavior

2009-07-10T21:42:00.003-04:00

I lost a friend today or at least someone I thought was a friend. It was stupid really. He was goading me about my beliefs because he is a die-hard atheist. Obviously I am not. I tried very hard to be diplomatic and even agree with him on several points with reference to organized religion. It was supposed to be one of those "Free thought" conversations. I should have known better. Instead of

Time

2009-07-09T19:05:00.003-04:00

I removed dates from this site because I didn't want to put anything on here that was time sensitive...sometimes it looks as if every thing is happening all at once here though doesn't it? Time is funny that way. Moments and hours seem to take the same amount of time. Days and years. Its all reflective and subjective to me that way. Oh well....just a weird thought I was having as I

My Mother's Mother

2009-06-20T13:35:00.001-04:00

A week ago today my family and I celebrated the life of my Grandmother. I think I've finally come to terms with everything.... I was asked to speak there and I did. In dreams I was overcome by the spirits of first my grandmother and then my grandfather. In fact, I wrote it quickly after the first dream....but the dream I had the next night made it clear that it wasn't quite finished. Grandpa

2009-06-10T13:37:00.001-04:00

I've been depressed and without health insurance or real resources... I've been having a hard time of it. I need to get my life in order....I need to forgive myself and others for so many things and so many failures.... I need to regain control of things...but I can't seem to find the reins that control my life. Today is a good day...kind of... sort of.... I've been kind of bitchy but not

Trust V. Love

2009-05-03T13:21:00.004-04:00

Have you ever wished that you were not quite as intelligent as you are? People say ignorance is bliss and some days I think they are right. There is a person whom I care about that is constantly trying to pull the wool over my eyes, so to speak. The problem is I can see right through the wool and I am insulted and hurt by these actions. So I called this person out on it and that person seems

age old question.

2009-04-25T19:28:00.003-04:00

Why are men so afraid of intimacy? I don't want a man who avoids serious issues or is afraid to feel real emotion. I may not want a cry baby but I damn well want a reaction. I think most women have the same complaint. I'm sooooo sick of little boys.

Storms

2009-04-25T13:32:00.000-04:00

I write about this affinity I have with storms. Right now as I wait for one I thought I would try to describe what is happening to me and what I expect to occur. Right now there is that heaviness hanging in the air as I wait for a storm to come. Some people hate that. I don't....but I don't love it either. There is this thing between myself and big storms...its like I am absorbed into the

Happy Lent....and I mean it.

2009-02-25T10:00:00.012-05:00

Ash Wednesday again. I’m not Catholic, most of my family is though, so every year I find myself pondering and practicing Lent in some form or another. As a teen and younger adult I found the whole idea stupid. I have never been big into self-denial and most of the things that people seem to be giving up *for Lent* seems, to me, to be self serving and usually things they ought to give up anyway.

Better Days

2009-02-18T13:30:00.001-05:00

That, Dear Readers, is my one and only photo of my grandparents together. Years ago I had many photos of my Grandma, but as many of you know, I had a terrible apartment fire where most of my photos went up in flames. It was years before I tried my hand at photography again. In fact its only been a couple of years now. This photo means so much to me. I know those of you who have known me for a

Stoopid Cupid

2009-02-14T13:55:00.005-05:00

I've been unofficially single for about 6 weeks now. I made it official about 2 weeks ago. Men are already turning into vultures. I didn't think I looked so desperate. Maybe I smell like fresh meat because they are acting like carnivores. Too many propositions to mention. Just way too many for me to want anything so very very common. "no I am not going to date another man who works in this

FU VALENTINE!!!!

2009-02-14T13:28:00.001-05:00

Ahhhhhh the love....the romance of it all.... To all of you lucky in love I wish you many glorious Valentine Days to come. To all of you not-so-lucky ones, like me, I offer you a bit of solace to make your Valentine's Day the best it has ever been....

Single Again

2009-02-07T13:26:00.002-05:00

With everything going on, I didn't mention that I actually did break up with the BF a while back. I should feel worse which only tells me I did the right thing. I had been trying to make things work but I think it was more because I thought I should want what he wanted and that I thought I should try to stay in a relationship. Everybody else does. Then with everything that was going on, all I

Reflections about Grandma

2009-02-04T13:23:00.001-05:00

I can't write about my Grandma and not write about myself and the other women in my family. Somehow we are one and the same. I have often written about the women in my family. We outnumber the men, I think its probably about 3 to 1 normally in our genetic history, though sometimes it seems closer to 4 to 1, my siblings are 4 to 1. I have a saying, *We don't have an x gene, we have a capital X

Breathe in, Breathe out, Move on.

2009-01-31T13:09:00.004-05:00

My grandmother passed on yesterday. I'm still dealing with the guilt and the poor-me's. I think I'm coming to terms with it. The thing that bothers me most is that for a period of time she felt physical pain. She had gangreen. She would have died soon anyway. She was 92. Basically my family is very lucky to have had her as long as we have, still we would have greedily accepted each additional

Silence Deafens

2009-01-28T13:04:00.000-05:00

There is a lot going on in my personal life these days. Its work, its the boyfriend, its family. Its even the "orphan" I'm trying to help. I would give my right arm some days for boredom. My Grandma is dying. I've said it now. It doesn't make it any easier. I haven't been the best granddaughter either. I only see her a couple of times a year. She deserves better. When I was a kid she always

Nostalgia

2009-01-03T13:00:00.000-05:00

If auld aquaintance...... I've had a migraine since Wednesday. Seriously. Bad Bad Bad. I'm left work early. I still have not received a New Years Eve Midnight Kiss in my life. (I'm thinking this is an omen) I finally started feeling better (but still kind of tired) a couple of hours ago. I had dropped Walter off at the College Football Hall of Fame. His Winter hang out since there isn't an

Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T12:55:00.001-04:00

Well I am very busy...but I couldn't let the day go unnoticed. Seriously I barely had time to go to the << My wonderful GM kept bugging me with her constant inquiries about the current state of affairs..... < The front desk wasn't keeping quiet either. It's like they expected me to know EVERYTHING! What do skeletons say before they begin dining? Bone appetit!

Its Been a Really Long Day

2008-10-24T12:52:00.000-04:00

Ok... Its a good thing I drank all that cappuccino. The FD was short handed today. I had to cover there. It was a mad house. Almost 150 check-outs and then a wedding party checking in. There were also other events we were hosting but not rooming. Only one person was scheduled. Even if the usual 2 people were scheduled I would have needed to help out. Then the phones were going spastic. Then

I Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel Goooooooooooooooooood!

2008-10-24T12:49:00.001-04:00

I seem to be kicking the flu. Yeah! Fastest flu I ever had! Its like it was more hyperactive than me. I went to work yesterday and not a day too soon. The cappuccino effect is working. I was soooooo effective and sooooo smart. I almost broke my arm patting myself on the back for my remarkable efficiency! I only brough home a satchel and a briefcase full of work, which I completed all but one

The final version

2008-10-22T15:21:00.008-04:00

There is a shorter version on my personal page, I posted it about a month ago, but this is the story that is being edited for the South Bend Tribune for publication sometime next month. It will need to be cut for space, I am a bit over on the word count. I wanted to present the unedited version here though. A Cherokee Wedding By Tressa Bailey (sister of the bride) August 30, 2008, was a

Turbo Flu

2008-10-22T12:47:00.001-04:00

I do not feel well...not well at all. I think I have what I will call TURBO-FLU. It started on Sunday. I didn't recognise the leg cramps as flu at first. Thought I was just a little tired and my legs were out of shape. I was doing some serious walking that day. Monday I knew I was ill. I hurt all over. ALL OVER. Seriously.... even my buttocks ached. If there was a muscle it was in pain. By

Any Meme Will Do

2008-10-21T12:44:00.002-04:00

Its been ages since I actually did a meme....the last one was on AOL to give you an idea...probably a year or so before I left too.... I stole this one from Kathy at the Rusty Spigot. 70 THINGS YOU PROBABLY DON’T KNOW ABOUT ME 1. DO YOU SNORE? - Apparently I do....but I can't hear myself so its alright. 2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER? - A bit of both....sometimes I love to fight and

Sick Today

2008-10-21T12:42:00.000-04:00

That stupid flu is going around work again. I took the day off.....I was too cold to go to work. Seriously. I can take the coughing. I'm not really sneezing too much...more of a runny nose thing. I can let voice mail take my calls and thus avoid using my scratchy voice. I can still spell fairly well with this killer headache. The body aches and cramping just spur me on to a good fight...

Middle of the night pep talks.

2008-10-16T18:28:00.004-04:00

I like routine. I like it when things happen in an orderly fashion. Unfortunately with the speed my life has been changing these days, its been a bit messy. I'm cleaning up and organizing on many levels at work and home both. It keeps me up at night sometimes. I find myself in that limbo between sleep and waking and I wish I were coherent enough to make out lists. Somehow though that weird

Working Through Work

2008-10-16T12:40:00.000-04:00

Work has been extremely busy for me lately. I bring work home every night even if I don't get it all done. Every little bit helps. Finally there is more order than chaos around my desk. It feels good. I like to pretend that I am not ambitious. Sometimes I fool myself a little bit. The truth is though, that I am one of the most ambitious people I know. Lately I am bordering on being a work-a-holic

No appreciation

2008-10-15T23:59:00.003-04:00

Some days I'm a bitch and some days....I'm even worse. My BF is great. Lately I have been extremely overworked between home and career. Overwhelmed even. I've been upset because my house isn't clean, but I've also been trying to prove myself in an unfamiliar, ever changing career position. He's been a rock. He helped me clean my house today. I'm grateful. Really I am....just....sometimes...

Ask a Streetwalker

2008-10-15T12:38:00.000-04:00

here is a new local magazine here in Michiana. Its called Michiana Entertainer (occasionally it has a website called, interesting enough Michianaentertainer.com, but it isn't always up). I don't know.... I started leafing through it and to tell you the truth I was kind of mesmerized in that awful kind of way you are when you see a kid peeing in the parking lot. What follows, verbatim, is a

It's only numbers......................

2008-10-10T19:41:00.004-04:00

There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers. Richard Feynman That means there are more dollars in the deficit than there are stars in the skies. I can't believe this is what our forefathers perceived would happen

The Financial Crisis Explained

2008-10-08T12:33:00.000-04:00

I'm sooooooooooooooooo ashamed. Still I laughed my ass off when I watched this.I'm a traitor to my gender....Maybe I spent too many years working for lawyers.

Not a nice girl

2008-09-30T12:01:00.004-04:00

Why is it that we women feel the constant need to be *nice* all the time? I have found recently that all being *nice* does is cause me to live according to other's standards and not my own. Why can't it be *nice* to do what I want, believe what I want and not pay for other's screw ups. Who died and left me responsible? While I still intend to be kind.... I'm not going to be nice about it.

Sick of being sick

2008-09-05T21:29:00.004-04:00

I realize that one of the reasons I am still unattached, at least residentially, to a man is that I can be a bitch. I like things my way. The right way of course. Especially when I am sick. Right now I am sick. Some women sniffle daintily into proper tissues and speak softly in a weak voice while resting to the ones they love. Not me. I work until I drop dead from it, loudly complaining,

Why do they call it falling?

2008-07-16T16:32:00.008-04:00

I've been a party to a lot of romances. Some more serious than others. I've been in-love a few times. Every time is different. Every time is the first time. Every break-up hurts a little different too. I'm still looking for that forever thing. I must have that spine of steel my Grandpa always said I had...or at least nerves of steel. Science says we, especially women, are hardwired

It happens when you're not paying attention.....

2008-07-12T10:24:00.005-04:00

Y'know that feeling when you knock on the door and no one is home? You thought they would be.... Why wouldn't they be just hanging around waiting for you to call? ....But that life went on without you for good or ill. That's kind of how I feel right now. I've been planning this move for months. The place I was going to move into fell apart though. If I wanted to move into a nice place

Moving Process

2008-06-28T08:49:00.006-04:00

I'm in the process of moving. Not far. Going through everything I own. It kind of makes me reflective. Long story short. A little over 3 years ago I quit a long angry marriage. I couldn't take it anymore. A little over 2 years ago I quit an even longer job working in criminal law. I couldn't take it anymore. Then I took off 8 months of living responsibly and went through my savings. I

A simpler time

2008-06-26T07:22:00.005-04:00

I go on and on about my complexities. It's not bragging, its whining. I would have been better born in a much earlier time. I have morals. I hate all the pressure on women today. I hate what we are turning men into. I hate that kids are running the world. I, believe it or not, get sick of technology. I'm scared to leave my door unlocked.Yet--- I'm always wired. I have a cell phone I

Looking for Trouble

2008-06-25T21:43:00.003-04:00

Yep I'm actually looking. I have itchy feet and a restless spirit sometimes. It's like I've been good too long. Responsibility is something I take seriously. Seriously. I have children. I have a job. I pay bills. I grew up. Still, where some people have an inner child..... I have an inner juvenile delinquent.

Where have all the GUYS gone? (this is a link!)

2008-06-16T22:06:00.004-04:00

Seriously. Click on that link. Remember when real men didn't eat quiche or wear pink? Maybe I am just one of those women who really appreciate a good whisker burn, I don't know. I just like cavemen. I think its funny when they burp. I laugh at fart jokes. I think Jim Belushi is the bomb! When I run across a *real* guy I don't hold his testosterone against him. I'm much more likely to

home is where the heart is

2008-06-15T11:23:00.003-04:00

I don't want to leave my hometown. Its a small city (though it has a big-city crime rate) where I know a lot of people and have a lot of ties. The truth is I will probably never live anywhere else. I did try it once (for 6 long long years), didn't like it much at all. I moved to a small town 20 miles away (no crime rate to speak of). I was bored silly. Very lonely. I called it Stepford. I

Middle Aged and Single

2008-06-14T15:00:00.006-04:00

I don't feel my age. I don't act my age. But there's no getting around the fact that I am my age with all the *baggage* that goes with it. Late 40's. How did that happen? When I was young I figured that by this time in my life, when I was (::::shudder::::) old, I would be bouncing grandchildren on my knee, Paw and me would be planning to retire soon, someplace warm but not Florida, I

The Empty Nest

2008-06-08T11:58:00.004-04:00

My 15 year old son, Walter, is making holes in the nest I've built around him. I've brought three people into this world with the sole intent of letting them go. I've been trying to hang on to this one a while though. Its not working. Doing my job well means that in the end, my job is downsized and eventually dissolved. I look at him and I long for the 8-year old boy who would look at me in

Strong Boys become Stronger Men

2008-06-01T16:39:00.010-04:00

I'm not a fan of a soft man. That's right. I don't want to see the feminine side of him anymore than he would particularly like to see my masculine side. In fact the surest way to bring out that tough girl from the hood in me is to show me his inner wuss. The more emasculated he is...the more I am liable to emasculate him further. I have no respect for a man who isn't as tough as me. I have no

Long Distance Relationships

2008-05-08T23:57:00.007-04:00

And ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.~ Kahlil Gibran Long distance relationships are difficult to say the least. Both parties have to work harder. There are a lot of natural obstacles to overcome. Time and distance are just the most obvious, and really the easiest to overcome. This is the sad bed of chosen chastitybecause you are miles & mountains

Longing

2008-05-06T18:02:00.006-04:00

Love is scary. Truth is even worse. It takes a lot of courage to keep trying.

2008-04-11T21:15:00.003-04:00

I have a lot to offer a man. I read these personal ads (on the internet we call them *profiles*) and these men are all about wanting me....except I am not busty, I smoke and I have *baggage* (read a child that lives with me). Oh and while they claim to want passion, they certainly don't want any *drama*. The rest of their requirements...I can easily fill and then some. Attractive X Decent Body X

the big X (repost)

2008-04-07T14:54:00.000-04:00

I figure my life is almost but not quite half over. Which means I still have just as much time left as I've wasted. I truly do expect to live close to 100. The women in our family seem to live a long time, with the exception of my beloved cousin and her mother (whom I got my middle name from). They were exposed to asbestos in the family home though and got cancer from it. The men die early

Strong Enough? (repost)

2008-04-07T14:45:00.002-04:00

Most of the guys I talk with will never get past the talk stage with me. They all hope they will. Most of them believe they will be able to sweep past my defenses with their charm, arrogance or wit. I do so love the daring-do types. I’m not stupid though. I want to see inside their heads before my body gets too involved. My body isn’t where my brains are. I want to make sure that they are

Faces of Hope (repost)

2008-04-07T14:34:00.000-04:00

HOPE has two faces. Someone once said something to the effect that without Hope there is no Despair. It’s a profound thought. I say that without Hope there is no Joy. I try to stay on HOPE’s good side.Do you remember the story of Pandora? When she opened that box, she let out all the evils except one: HOPE. The Greeks considered HOPE to be as dangerous as all of the world's other evils. Still,

The Magical Power of EST (repost)

2008-04-07T14:18:00.000-04:00

I have a very jealous and competitive nature. Mostly it is kept in check by the fact that I am also incredibly nice and I want everyone to love me. Also, despite my numerous falls from Grace, I am still scared to bring the Wrath of GOD down on my head (sorry....I couldn't help myself....I used to go to a very *hellfire and brimstone* type of church). So usually I don't over do too much. Not

Hope is a dangerous occupation (repost)

2008-04-07T13:11:00.000-04:00

HOPE is a dangerous occupation. Sometimes you have to pay a high price for the resolution to HOPE. There is no way to calculate what the cost will be. Whatever you spend, the value of HOPE will exceed the cost. HOPE is a bargain at any price. HOPE works with Faith when you can not bear the pressure on you, the two of them will hold you up and give you strength until you can stand alone again.

A good friend is a good find (repost)

2008-04-07T13:00:00.000-04:00

There is a man I work with, for his privacy I will just use his initial G. G. is a tall middle aged, well educated black man. I love to hear him talk, he sounds like James Earl Jones. He has never been a romantic interest, Heaven forbid. I admire him though. He is a wonderful human being. Extremely intelligent. Good heart. We hit it off immediately. We share shifts about 3 times a week and

Ok the real answer

2008-04-06T18:26:00.003-04:00

Ok . I will come up with a real answer. I thought I had answered it a couple of ways, but according to my friends, I am not being specific enough. I want to fall in love and I want the one I fall for to fall for me too. I won't even admit I love him until he admits it first. Why? Because I want him to be *the man*. I want him to be my *Adam*. I am not a weak-minded woman and in fact, I realize

The ABC's of Mr. Not Quite Right in the Head

2008-04-06T16:39:00.003-04:00

Someone asked me today what I wanted in a man. Truth is I want it all. I'm a greedy little bitch sometimes. I like to say I want to find a caveman and dress him up in a suit. I want a really savage caveman too boot....and a fancy suit. Basically I want him to be the *MAN*. I know....I know....that is tres sexist of me. But lets just do my alphabet.... A is for Alpha Male. (I want a man, not

Where Oh Where is My Little Boy?

2008-04-06T12:24:00.000-04:00

I have a sleep headache. Its that kind you get when you haven't been sleeping and catch up all at once. Other than that I'm feeling pretty good. I took Walter skating yesterday...I wish I would have remembered the camera! I didn't watch all of it (y'all know it scares me to watch), but he is getting very impressive these days. Talk abounds about him getting sponsored soon. He's already begun

He was supposed to stay 4 Years Old Forever

2008-04-03T12:20:00.000-04:00

The 'hood has been quiet since that incident. Walter told me today that I can't make him stay in the house. He will go out when I'm gone. He feels like a prisoner and he can defend himself he says. GEEEEEEEZ...... He is, and no he can't, not against guns and knives. But he's right. Nothing I can do. He'll be careful and be inside before dark. Why his sudden defiance? Well its really

Not as good at this as I thought

2008-04-03T11:55:00.000-04:00

I find it is a lot easier to fall in love than it is to fall out of it. It is a lot easier to believe in fairytales than to face truth. It is a lot easier to deal with dreams than to overcome the effects of a nightmare. My steel spine feels as soft as jello. My heart isn't hard, it is broken. Words are all I can relate to, all I understand. I'm manipulated, controlled and consoled by 26

Goin. fer a Walk

2008-04-02T12:19:00.000-04:00

"Today is your day. You're off to Great Places! You're off and away!"~~Dr. Seuss I refused all offers today and walked home. It was a beautiful day. I don't know if many of you realize this, but until the Great Depression hit, South Bend was a happening kind of town. Seriously we were!!! Some of the most well known politicians and socialites kept homes here. Our streets are named for them!

My Inner Child

2008-04-01T12:12:00.000-04:00

My inner child as painted by Norman Rockwell: Seriously, You have no idea how often I found myself in this particular position then! I think it suits me right now too. I haven't cried since I woke up. I've actually cleaned up the mess around the house a bit and I'm going to finish it before the night is through. No letter from the one-who-got-away but that is probably a good portion of

Mr. Right doesn't exist

2008-04-01T11:43:00.001-04:00

So I am looking for Mr. Notquiteright Inthehead. Oh how I dream of you...night and day.... I hunger for your sloppy kisses and look for your crooked grin. I wait to have you step on my feet in the dance of life. I am listening for your crackly voice on the phone. Longing to stare into your glassy eyes. All I know is that when I find you.......... You will be perfect to me.

Crying doesn't make it better.

2008-03-31T12:09:00.000-04:00

What is hope anyway but the triumph over fear? I think I still have it, maybe not for the things I want to have it for, but I have hope still. I have hope that I can stand tall again and get a grip on my life. I have hope that I can find my pride and put my heart back together. I am a grown up after all. All my life I've known what to do when someone damaged me. I would cut them out of my

A woman wears her tears like jewelry. ~Author Unknown

2008-03-29T11:44:00.001-04:00

I took his necklace off my neck today. I thought I was choking. I took off the ankle bracelet too, afraid that I might lose my balance once again. I don't know what to do with them really. So I put them in their boxes and put the boxes on a shelf I never go to. To give them back I would have to see him. I already know how easily he can convince me with those lighter than blue eyes. Too odd not

Amor animi arbitrio sumitur, non ponitur

2008-03-26T11:33:00.002-04:00

We choose to love, we do not choose to stop loving.--latin proverb I stole that quote from a friend of mine..... Fits my current broken heart status. I'm going to get over this.....My heart might be made of glass, but my spine is made of steel.

Quid Pro Quo

2008-03-24T11:21:00.000-04:00

I don't think a person is capable of loving someone they don't trust. I don't want to be a secret. Some men have tried to become a part of my life.... while not inviting me to be a part of theirs. It feels untruthful. I'm not willing to be a part of anyone's lie, even if the one they are lieing to is themself. I explained my feelings about these types of matters and situation in much greater

Violence in the Neighborhood

2008-03-23T11:30:00.000-04:00

I have one of thoooooooose families.I like to say we put the *fun* in dysfunctional. My personal lineage goes back to Charlemagne on one side and the family of Will Rogers on the other.I am basically the result of generations of blue blood gone slumming.I have all the benefits of an indirect yet fully integrated (well except we don't have oriental or jewish people represented yet) family now. I

Love has two unbreakable laws

2008-03-23T10:18:00.001-04:00

1. You can not make someone love you. 2. You can not make someone stop.

What I Believe

2008-03-22T23:02:00.002-04:00

The theme of this essay is, "I believe". I believe I am going to begin by having a beer, which I truly believe is a great aid to creativity. I believe I am going to call it my muse.I believe that I am nothing more or less than a crazy mixed up kid who grew up to be a crazy mixed up woman. I believe that I am just as good as I am evil and just as insane as I am sane.I believe that a contradiction

Defining what a relationship means

2008-03-22T22:52:00.002-04:00

A relationship means wanting to talk with and actually know someone, inside and out not just the pretty things. It’s wanting to make eye contact, not voice contact, its wanting to touch each other. It's needing to touch each other. Its spending time together without dating and all the false trappings of your best clothes, fine restaurants and best behavior all the time. When a person actually

Compatibility Issues

2008-03-22T22:46:00.003-04:00

One of my biggest problems with compatibility has to do with my growing up poor and tough. Most people in that situation are not real big intellectuals so those who are born into families that value the things I've learned to value are a bit put off by the fact that I am so tough and dare I say *street smart*. The men I’m attracted to and who are attracted to me, tend to be from the other side

Backwards on a Train

2008-03-22T22:43:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I feel as if I am facing backwards on a train. It's that feeling you feel when you know you're getting to your destination but you can only actually see where you've been and the landmarks you are passing. The last (and only) time I tried to ride a train in that position I was pretty dizzy by the end of it.That's what I seem to be doing a lot of lately. Judging my present by my past....