Thankful for Unanswered Prayers

What better time of year to discuss those things we are thankful for?

I am so grateful for all the wonderful things in my life....but also grateful for things that I don't have in my life, maybe things I thought I wanted but in hindsight, realize they would not have been good for me.

I'm grateful my family is nosy enough to check on me and makes me socialize even when I want to crawl into a hole and hibernate. They keep me from falling victim to my emotions by forcing me to deal with their love for me....even when I want to forget everyone. Because of them I can never suffer from depression for long. When I hide....they find me and drag me out.

I'm grateful for the life of my former husband, no matter how many times I once wished he'd just go away. No we could never be a couple again but we are friends again. We have become who we once were and not the awful versions we were for a while. He's there for our children and even for me (though I strive not to take advantage of him). So I'm thankful that he didn't drop dead when I wished it. I no longer want him completely out of my life. He's been my friend since I was 4 years old.

I'm grateful that my job offers, while good, did not offer me the peace of mind or flexibility that my current job does. I had forgotten for a moment in time how perfect this job was for me and how much I love it. I am happy to go to work and work with people I enjoy at a job I do well.

I'm grateful for all those romances that didn't last too. Happy to have had more than one chance at happiness and yet be able to walk away when things didn't work knowing that I would not die, that I would wake up another day ready to love again. I'm grateful for the things I've learned from these men and the joy we shared for a time. Because of them, I know more of who I am, what I want to put into and get out of a relationship and I have confidence because through their eyes, I could see how I looked to them, and sometimes it was very sweet. I'm happy that I've known them.

So while we are grateful for our blessings....lets also be grateful for our fates. Maybe there really is a plan....Now if I could only find a map....I think I'd be ok!

May you all have a happy Thanksgiving and be blessed and surrounded by those you love and who love you back.


An unopened gift.

There's a lot of love in the world.

There's a lot of love in me.

The thing is we waste love by not using it. Love isn't any good just sitting in our hearts. We have to put it out into the world.

It needs a recipient to work its magic.

If its not given, and when its not taken, it can turn into ugly festering things.

I tried to give mine away recently. For him I think it turned into self centeredness and narcissm. Not the stuff you usually think about but more a self protective shell that insured that he would not need another for fulfilment. Truth be told, I probably made him that way.

To me it is sad, and a little painful to have my efforts rejected.

Sometimes when one doesn't know what to do, one does nothing and that is the worst thing of all.

For me, it is the frustration of being left holding a wondrous gift that was never even opened because the recipient neither seen the need for such a gift nor acknowledged the desire for it. I truly think it is what he most needed.

I still have my gift but it remains unopened and on a shelf for the time being. It taunts my pride but even that doesn't change the beauty that outshines the packaging.

Someone will want this gift one day, and I'm glad that I still have it.