Friends With Benefits

What is this thing all the middle aged single men have with the FWB status instead of real relationships? Do they not see that they are not the same hottie they were at 25? They sure seem to notice that women are not. Do they think that by protecting their single status that women are going to be lining up to give them the benefits they want to be paid for the pleasure of their *friendship*?
Seriously…. Its time for truth telling here. Guys, those 25 year old girls you are lusting after are only lusting after your fatter wallet. These girls know the secret to financial solvency is to close their eyes so you will open it. They really don’t have a father-fixation except that they still need someone to pay for stuff. Life is tough. Don’t just wake up and smell the coffee….go look in the mirror at your sorry asses. Its truly pathetic. Your mother, your sisters, and your exes are all laughing at you behind your back. Your daughters are embarrassed. Yep. Kinda the same way you laugh at our shoe fixation.
I don’t do the FWB status and ladies I urge you to refuse as well. It doesn’t benefit us anymore. The risk of disease is too great because our dating pool doesn’t like to glove it. Don’t forget that just because we are beginning to hit menopause does not mean we can’t get pregnant. I am the child of a man who was his mother’s menopausal baby. Do you really want to be an unwed mother at 50? Just because Mother Nature doesn’t make a big scene does not mean she didn’t lay a few eggs around. Not to mention that women are scientifically predisposed to equating sex and love.
Yep….as modern as we try to be, as soon as we open our legs up wide…..we open our heart just as wide. Is *friendship* worth your broken heart? We have each other for emotional support and love. We get that from our families too. We don’t need a man to fix stuff either….we have sons, nephews, brothers and fathers who would rather take care of those issues than have us put our bodies and souls up for payment. We make our own money now. We don’t need to have a man to financially support us unless we truly want to make a living out of being a call girl. Buy yourself a rabbit. Between that and your imagination you can do a fairly good simulation of what you are getting now…..if you can go fast enough that is. It’s there as often as you need it for as long as you need it. You don’t have to jump out of bed to feed it after you are done either.
Lower your standard of living to your level of income. There is no shame in it. You will never have to give up your intellect, your body, or your piece of mind to pay the bills that way. I promise, it’s a much higher standard of living.

No….none of this replaces real love….but Friends with Benefits is not real love. It’s not even friendship. Friends don’t use each other selfishly like that. Those methods will enable you to wait for one of the few decent men left and to enable you to go into that relationship free of any unwanted history with a so-called friend and with a less damaged heart and ego. Even if we never find that road to contentment, wouldn’t you rather be watching the horizon of hope than laying in the gutter with some selfish and self centered jerk? Make a 2-sided list: on one side list what you give and do for a man and on the other what you feel you have a right to expect back. Don’t be cheap with yourself. Demand the things that money can’t buy. Time, attention, a back rub, knowing each other’s friends and family, the permission to call no matter what time and not being sent to the answering machine, weekends, etc…. etc….

Don’t let the men stick you into a tiny corner of the life and tell you they are sharing it with you. Be smart! Pay attention! Value yourself! Corners are for secrets. Do not be any man’s secret. Demand a status and monogamy. Know your own value. We women are trained to give and give and give until we have nothing left. Stop it!!! No man is more important or valuable than a woman based solely upon gender. Don’t accept less than what you give. YOU are WORTH it! If he can’t see that….just remember that *One man’s trash is another man’s treasure*.

Which man do you want to be with?


Trust Issues

I'm working on building the life and relationships I need rather than want. its not easy delineating the two things. I've learned that the things I want sometimes are exactly the things I don't need and while the things I need are not nearly as exciting, they are more fulfilling.

Its the difference between candy and real food.
My first step in this process is learning how to trust others. Especially those who love me. I've defended my lack of trust as being careful and not wanting to be made a fool of when just as often it has been selfishness and fear. Granted, I have had experiences that I've overcompensated for but they were years ago and I make people who did not give me reason for my suspicion pay for those who did.

My rules have not been fair. I won't say I've truly trusted anyone yet, but I am behaving as if I trust people. Even if I jump to conclusions, I hold back. I am being careful not to react to stimulus right away. Not trusting others is a form of constant fear. I don't want to live in it anymore.

I'm working on a stronger foundation for life.


After I dropped the last guy who liked me just before New Years (he may have thought he was special to me if I'd gone out with him), I started, again, wondering why I can't seem to find the love I so want.

It hurts sometimes.

The truth is I did find it a long time ago but my fears ruined it then and several other attempts with the same man. Instead of getting over it-----I have been trying to over compensate for it.

I am always looking for the error, waiting for the failure and expecting that my love will never be good enough.     Just like Job...the things I greatly fear come upon me.     Men say all the pretty words I want to hear but want them back and that ends it.

I try to convince myself and everyone else that they are asking too much and rushing me but that isn't and hasn't been the truth for a long time. They behave as all men do when a woman is enticing them and backing off.

I am the master of mixed signals. I'm a tease. I don't play fair. They fell in love with the woman I was pretending to be. I never let them close enough to know what a bitch I really am.

I wanted it all to be true with these guys. I wanted to be who they thought I was. I wanted to believe I was really looking for love but my heart has been blocked off for a long while. I haven't been playing with it...I've been playing at romance with my ego instead.

No doubt I've been treated badly a few times, but I probably brought it on myself. I need to stop pretending to be whoever I figure they want me to be.

Maybe I will date and maybe I won't. Today dating somehow just doesn't seem that important anymore.

My heart is otherwise occupied filtering through the damage I've done in my life and wondering how to make things right again.