We have fairly heavy rain today...but I love the rain....especially on Sundays. No, I won't post the Keith Urban song since I already hit facebook up with that. I don't have an opening line or even a good idea. I'm just writing because I haven't for a while. I have a love/hate thing with words....but despite the volatility, its the longest romantic relationship of my life, and probably the most passionate..... I think I was making up rhymes and grandstanding with my own soliloquies long before I started reading at 3 or 4 years old. Stories are still being told. Sometimes by other people.
I've written no less than 10 follow up paragraphs to that with as many subjects! The problem is I am all about keeping it real and making it truth but I don't want to right now. Its so much easier to write when things are not in transitional phases and you have no fear that your truth may affect the direction of your life. What has happened to my courage?
When I was young I did not just walk where angels feared to tread, I would stand naked in a fire and taunt the Devil himself. I was reckless in love and in life. I thought that I was created special. With a half century of life lived now, I know better. Some of those wounds nearly killed me. My scars are mostly hidden now.....but they protect my heart and mind like the thickest leather.
Over the years I slowly added armor to my spirit. I have a shield now. Most people can't see it, but I know its there. I used to just armor up for romance, but I have learned that I need this armor to keep false friends at bay and to safely pass through career challenges as well. I think I've lost the ability to trust wthout proof. I miss it.
When I was young I would go on daily adventures...I smiled at strangers and when a boy would try to kiss me....as often as not I would let him. I remember with a smile in my heart, long walks in unfamiliar areas where I would let my curiosity free. I'd pet stray dogs and not worry about fleas and would pick up bugs just to get a closer look without worrying about stings. I climbed trees without a fear of falling.
What I wouldn't give to be that person again....
I'd give even more if I could offer that world to my granddaughter....