Now we post inspiring words written across a photograph, witty one liners and jokes. Once in a while we get daring enough to write a whole paragraph. We no longer share the details of our day to day experiences, wax poetic or painstakingly put together entire essays to inspire our co-writers. We loved the journals...we all swore that we'd continue on in Blogger what we had begun in JLand. We didn't.
None of us, including me, comment very much on those of us who continue on. Now all our comments are lightening fast and geared towards getting the best laugh on facebook. We went from taking ourselves much too serious to not taking anything serious.
I try to tell myself that its just that we are older...maybe none of us have the creativity and energy to continue on like we did 10 - 15 years ago. Maybe we just shrunk inside. I used to write about politics, but I've become disillusioned. So fed up that in a fit of anger a few years ago, I removed every thing I ever wrote about politics. I wish I hadn't. There was nothing wrong with my thinking or my writing. I've deleted a lot of posts over the years that I wish I hadn't. I remember a time when I actually had 5 blogs going at once, 2 were invitation only....I was so bad sometimes....or at least I thought I was.
Even now I struggle trying to remember how to make my blog interesting. Trying to think of subjects is difficult these days and I seem to be too busy or tired to go hunting for the photos and youtube videos to set them off. Just words on a page for now... but I'm the determined sort. I'll figure it all out again.
I remember how innocent I was when I first started really getting into chatrooms and blogging. I was 31 years old and recently divorced and remarried. I was a typical midwestern girl...I apologized when I swore unless I was really mad. I didn't tell a dirty joke to a guy unless I had known him all my life. I flirted outrageously and never thought a guy might take that seriously. I trusted everyone and thought that no one would take advantage of a sweet girl like me. I was nice to everyone unless I had cause not to be. I had had a couple stalkers in my life, but they had reason. I was as young in my head as a 16 year old kid is today... maybe younger. My life was vanilla but I thought I had seen it all. Oh my. I've learned and experienced so much via the internet over the years... most of it good...but some not so good. I've definitely learned a lot more about people's experiences...all kinds of experiences. I can safely say that my friend Sharon (rip), would no longer have to contstantly remind me "You're not in Kansas anymore". Not that I have ever been to Kansas...but it was a running joke because when she met me I was even more naive than when I signed up for the internet. Yeah, for those who have known me all these 20 years, it was possible. Which brings me to the fact that I have friends I've never met that have lasted 20 years... Amazing.
I guess that is what keeps me coming back to this forum....its the people I've met, those of you who have let me peek into the windows of your homes and of your souls. I just don't want to let it go...
For now I will begin again the way I once started...A letter to an unknown friend. Hope for the future. Belief in common people. I've made a lot of friends over the years using just that approach. I'm hoping it still works.