Its been a long while since I've said those magic *I love you* words to a man. Probably longer still since I've meant them or even knew what they meant.
I've been reevaluating my life and wondering what I'm doing that keeps me in this state...some of my friends and family have been quick to point to all my "guidelines" and having my mind set on a certain course of events.
They are probably right when they say I must bend. I'm trying.
Its uncomfortable loosening those parts of my heart that I've been holding onto so tightly. Maybe I'm just afraid of more pain...
The real question, I guess, is:
Am I more afraid of spending my life alone or of finding someone to spend it with?
6 comments:
Gah! Hard questions!
I think making the adjustments to merge two adult lives is the hardest thing to do. It's easy when you're young. I don't know that I would ever live with someone else again - I just value my solitude too much and wouldn't want to feel infringed upon and possibly (unfairly) resentful towards my partner.
I totally get what you are saying. I like my solitude sometimes too, but I've been alone longer than you and it gets old after a while...I'd say about 4 years into it. I think my problem may be that I just have this ideal man image (guys just aren't like my Grandpa anymore) and this whole nonpc view on the roles of men and women...I should have been born 50 or 60 years earlier I guess. Its not that I don't believe in 2 income homes or sharing the load... I just think some things are gender specific. Oh and trying to find a non drug using man who isn't exploring his feminine side in the area I live in is next to impossible....
HEY! I KNOW YOU!!!! giggles
Time my friend. And you need to get out more. Just look for friends. I believe you need to be a friends first. The rest will fall into place if it's meant to be.
I'm lucky to have such a great support network. : )
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